And the Oscar™ Nominees Are...Way Too Long

The Motion Picture Academy has nominated 1,587 minutes of Best Pictures. Really? I can do them in three! WRITTEN & ILLUSTRATED BY PETER MOORE

In reverse order of likelihood that they’ll score a statuette, here are the nominees for Best Picture:

NO WAY

EMILIA PERÉZ: The front runner! Until it wasn’t.

A DUNEPLETE HAIRGROWN: Oscar™ is bald. Chalomet is extravagantly not bald. I predict trouble.

THE SUBSTANCE: Oscar™ is sensitive about his age, too.

I’M STILL HERE. Where, exactly? It sure aint in a theater near me, nor is it streaming anywhere.

MAYBE

THE BRUTALIST: Is it over yet? How about now?

WICKED: It’s just the first half. Get back to me next Thanksgiving when we know how it ends.

THE NICKEL BOYS: I hear the book is good.

CONTENDERS

CONCLAVE: Like a “women behind bars” movie, only with guys in funny hats. And Isabella Rossellini, also in a funny hat.

ANORA: Warning—the main characters smile in exactly one scene. Aside from that it’s mostly f-bombs.

“This is one night I wish I smoked and drank.” —Grace Kelly

I’m having friends over to watch the show, so we’ll be sitting together for six hours. And dang, we’ll be thirsty! I’ll be much obliged if you LMK your go-to cocktail-by-the-pitcher in the comments. Salut!

Looking to find more great newsletters, where you (probably) found this one? Click this link! You get cool things to read, I get cold hard cash from the guy who runs the Refind.com. Everybody wins!

Great to be with all 10,000 of you here on the Road2Elsewhere. It means the world to me. Do me a favor, in return: Hit the “like” button, or leave a comment. I’m lonely here without you.