Santazon.com: How it All Began (and Ended)

The origin story of the world's #1 package delivery system. WRITTEN & ILLUSTRATED by PETER MOORE

LIKE ALL IMPORTANT STORIES, this legend begins in Silicon Valley, with a couple of scruffy visionaries out to disrupt the world.

The technology had never been seen before, and soon it circled the globe.

Revolutionary market research targeted the most desirable customers.

Demand exploded, as did the need for skilled labor. Factories bustled 24/7.

Innovators created last-mile delivery systems for Santazon Prime™ customers.

Not everyone was ready for on-porch interfacing with company employees.

But as the enterprise expanded to the known universe, jealousies erupted, and saboteurs made mischief in the night.

Sadly, that was The End.

I hope all your packages arrive on time.

“Christmas is the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.” — Samantha Bee

After a popular post I made last summer, I was two positions ahead of Samantha Bee on the list of humor writers on Substack. Yes, it made me wonder about the accuracy of their mirth measurements, too. Nonetheless, if you want me to climb above the provably hilarious Ms. Bee once again, you can help by hitting any of the buttons below. Substack bots love that stuff!

And, in fact, I love it too. You’re the main reason it do this!

If the mood strikes, hit the whirligig symbol below, and restack this post with a note. Hey, it’s gotta be better than incessantly reading about how the world is ending, right? At least until it does, in which case none of this will matter anyway.

Happy New Year on the Road2Elsewhere!