R2E#16: Sex Education 101 (Thanks Dad)

Executive Summary: Tab B, Slot A.

On the first day of class at the Alliance Française, in Paris, my teach wrote “Madame Chalomet” on the board in her distinctive French cursive. The “madame” bit surprised me, as it was typically used to refer to women of a certain age—those who had shed the “lust” part of their luster. But here was Madame Chalomet, alluring the heck out of me as we practiced our fricatives.

As I came to understand it, through delicate instruction in class, the age cutoff for “mademoiselle” is around age thirty, or if the user would like to establish an air of formality in a professional setting. Like French class. 

But where did I stand with that, when madame paused in class to explain insects with throbbing probosci? “Les moustiques,” she said, pursing her lips just so, “ils faire du pique.” Then she evocatively mimed a mosquito penetrating her freckled epidermis. 

That same year I was studying in France, Emmanuel Macron was born in Amiens. Seventeen years later the future M. le Président would fall i…