Rochester, Ho!
Southwest Airlines isn't just transport. It's a way of life. WRITTEN AND ILLUSTRATED BY PETER MOORE
GOOGLE KNOWS I’M A FLIGHT RISK. So on my personalized Google News, the AI served up “The Game Theory of Choosing Seats on Southwest Airlines,” from the travel blog View from the Wing.
If you’re not a Southwestie, you’re probably thinking: Game Theory? Seat Selection?Don’t you…um…just present your boarding pass and head for Row 27, seat E?
On no, my friends! There’s so much more to it than that! Making your way to your seat on Southwest is subject of weeks of anticipation and strategizing, and I’m all caught up in it right now, as we head off to our niece’s graduation.
Rochester, Ho!
But first…
STEP ONE: Reservations? JK! On Southwest, you can reserve, cancel, decide, re-decide, commit, de-commit, without penalty—just like the main character in my second favorite* Shakespeare play.
To fly, or not to fly, that is the question.
STEP TWO: Challenge both your memory (check in exactly 24 hours before the flight, or you’ll get a lousy boarding position!) and your fast-twitch muscles (milliseconds count, index finger!) when it comes time to check in for the flight.
STEP THREE: Join confused fellow travelers in a boarding system that no other airline uses, and only 40% of Southwest passengers understand.
STEP FOUR: F.O.M.O. applies to seat selection as well. Pick your poison, and your seatmate.
STEP FIVE: Use your many free-drink coupons. Last Christmas, Southwest was a very very Bad Santa, cancelling 25% of its flights, including 50% on Boxing Day. To “win us back,” they’re doling out free alcohol like it’s December 5th, 1933.** Barf bags are free, too.
STEP SIX: Bump head on bulkhead, on the way out.
That’s the same on every airline, actually.
*You’re dying to know, so I’ll tell you: The Tempest is my favorite.
**C’mon, people. That’s the day Prohibition was repealed!
Your wildest post yet, Peter. LOVED it. So many moments in there that spoke to me. Now I'll always be laughing—for the first time, I assure you—whenever I travel Southwest. Also, I reached out via LinkedIn to pick your brain a bit for contacts. Hope you see my message. Thanks!
Brilliant, as always! I haven't been in an aeroplane since 2013 - you've absolutely reminded me what I'm not missing! 🤣