Oscars™ in an Instant!

Doddering old baseball is speeding up. Why not the Academy Awards™ telecast, too? WRITTEN™ AND ILLUSTRATED™ BY PETER™ MOORE™

THE AVERAGE BASEBALL GAME used to take so long that

• hirsute men could show up for batting practice and go bald by the seventh-inning stretch, and…

• their recently impregnated wives could deliver their babies, and wean them, by the final out.

But that was then.

This is now: New rules have been adopted this baseball season, to …