How to outrun, out-swim, and out-ski Colorado disasters

I live in the U.S.'s third most dangerous state. But it’s also the fittest state. How to survive? Put your exceptional fitness to use and run like hell! PETER MOORE, IN THE THE COLORADO SUN.

Every month I contribute a panel cartoon to the Colorado Sun, a peerless source of high country news launched by refugees from the Denver Post, when hedge-fund predators took over the newspaper. But for some reason their talented editors encourage me to make fun of the state they’re working so hard to report on and improve. Maybe they should investigate me?

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MY NEWS AGGREGATORS have been buzzing with alarming and alluring stats concerning life (and death, and dismemberment) in my home state of Colorado. Evidently, we live in the third most dangerous state in the Union. At the same time, we imperiled citizens also populate the fittest state. It’s not a coincidence, of course. As the prominent Colorado philosopher and competitive snowboarder Frederich Nietzsche once wrote: “That which doesn’t kill us makes us Coloradans.” 

You could look at these Colorado perils as a reason to buy property in New Hampshire — the safest state in the country. Forget it! They call that skiing? More like Ice Capades! We simply need to put our Coloradoawesomeness to work as we outpace all the critters, roadways, cornices and financial trends threatening to drive us toward Colorado’s scary funeral homes. If that’s death, we need to choose life!

I propose these strategies to avoid our mile-high risks in Ecotopia. 

Strategy No. 1: You’re not an apex predator, you’re an apex knucklehead. Act accordingly.

Strategy No. 2: Red Rocks ticket prices are scary. But that’s why God made general admission. Use your outdoor skills to occupy the cheap seats!

(Peter Moore, Special to The Colorado Sun)

Strategy No. 3: Outrace the snowpocalypse on your chosen downhill device!

(Peter Moore, Special to The Colorado Sun)

Strategy No. 4: Stick the landing with your next real estate transaction.

(Peter Moore, Special to The Colorado Sun)

For the rest of my risk-avoidance strategems, click here. Can you afford not to?

“Each year, millions of skiers come to Colorado to experience its superb emergency medical facilities.”  – Dave Barry

Or, hit any of the buttons below. They’ve been show to decrease your avalanche risk.