Five Heartfelt F.U.s to Marie Kondo

The closet fights back!

“The first step is to gather...all your clothes into one spot. Don’t leave a single wardrobe or dresser drawer unopened. Make sure you have gathered every last piece of clothing.”

--the life-changing magic of tidying up, by marie kondo.

With all this tidying up, has anybody thought to ask the clothes what they think?

From the Brown Sweater:

Let’s start with this word “tidy.” Is it not exclusively used by people you want to strangle? You probably first heard it from a kindergarten teacher, or worse, a Sunday School Teacher. Is there a more insufferable class of humans than those who wish to teach you a lesson? 

Tidy.

Tidy, tidy, tidy, tidy, tidy.

It’s a nonsense trochee, something you’d hear in a bird call or dribbling out of a toddler’s mouth. So why is that the be-all end-all now?

Marie Kondo.

Kondo, Kondo, Kondo, Kondo.

Another nonsense trochee, not that people realize it yet. 

KonMari is not even a real thing. She made the word up, oh-so-cleverly, by cutting and reversing syllables from her n…