Driving under the influence of hilarity

The Feds are cracking down on road signs that crack us up. And I'm ready to help. WRITTEN & ILLUSTRATED by PETER MOORE

THE FEDERAL HIGHWAY COMMISSION has released a 1,100-page manual to guide road-sign deployment in the United States.

Your tax dollars at work!

The breaking news: They’re banning road signs with jokes on them, on the grounds that they’re confusing and distracting for drives.

The Feds never could take a joke. At least the victims are dying laughing!

Here’s the problem, according to the Associated Press: “States around the country have used quirky messaging to draw the attention of drivers. Among them: ‘Use Yah Blinkah’ in Massachusetts; ‘Visiting in-laws? Slow down, get there late,’ from Ohio; ‘Don’t drive Star Spangled Hammered,’ from Pennsylvania; ‘Hocus pocus, drive with focus’ from New Jersey; and ‘Hands on the wheel, not your meal’ from Arizona.”

Humor is hazardous!

Now is the time for cartoonists to rally to the aid of our country and its distracted drivers. As a public service, I have crafted these super-serious road signs. Please do not rea…