A Royal Pain in the Arts
Want trouble? Paint a portrait of Britain's Royal Family. And I'm here to help! WRITTEN & ILLUSTRATED by PETER MOORE
THE NEW PORTRAIT OF KING CHARLES, by the artist Jonathan Yeo, inspired rage among the monarch’s rabid fans. It was big news, because nobody knew that King Charles had any fans at all.
I have a ton of sympathy for my fellow artists.
It’s not easy to please the many close followers of the Royals. Just ask the Royals! Add Charles’s open-car-door ears, and his antipathy for anything “modern,” and you have an artistic challenge that would have turned Picasso cross-eyed!
Protesters recently covered the notorious red portrait with stickers of Wallace and Gromit, which would actually improve just about anything.
So while the art curators unstick the terrorist art attack, I’m helping out by supplying some alternate portraits of the King.
In your face, royal-portrait protesters!
Portrait of King Charles, After the Movie Poster for “Carrie.”
Portrait of King Charles, after Vincent van Gogh’s “Self Portrait with Bandaged Ear.” Perfect treatment for a guy with too much ear!
Portrait of the Monarch after James McNeil Whistler’s “Arrangement in Gray and Black Number 1.”
4. Portrait of Charles with Harry and…OK fine, if we have to…William, after Magritte’s “Son of Man.”
Charles and
DianaCamilla, After Grant Wood’s “American Gothic.” Well, King Charles is something of a farmer, after all. I visited his farm in the Cotswolds!
This just in: There’s controversy over a portrait of the Princess of Wales, too!
No worries, Kate. I can handle this one, too.
[Confidential to the Royal family: You’re welcome! Just let me know how else I can help.]
“Painting is easy when you don't know how, but very difficult when you do.” —Edgar Degas
Or, hit any of the buttons below and I promise I won’t paint your portrait.
I like it. I think it is formidable.
One of your absolute funniest, Peter!